It seems as if the live broadcast of the Absa Cape Epic has been glitching a lot more this year than in previous years. So I’m grateful the Cape Epic X (Twitter) feed has kept us informed – and amused! And it’s not only the X feed that’s been amusing. Here’s a collection of original, and somewhat extreme, metaphors from the daily press releases and an introduction to the man behind both…
By Sean Badenhorst
David Moseley is a Cape Town-based freelance content creator that’s commissioned to do the Cape Epic X (Twitter) updates on the race as it unfolds. A former features editor of Sports Illustrated and Men’s Health magazines, Moseley calls himself a ‘keen if inept mountain biker’, who loves to stretch the imagination with original metaphors.
Sadly (for us), not writing full time these days, Moseley has been doing contract work on and off for the Absa Cape Epic for the past 10 years and this is the fourth year that he is tasked with delivering the X (Twitter) updates.
He’s also been writing the daily official men and women’s race reports where he’s snuck in some pearlers. Here’s a compilation of some of his work so far this week.
Daily race reports
Schurter, participating with Danish rider Sebastian Fini, seems to have finally met a partner who can match his enthusiasm and talent for trail riding. Fini was stuck like a child’s craft-set glitter to the multiple mountain bike World Champion, with the pair racing home in 1:02:38 for first place.
The racing was impacted early when Danish rider Fini suffered a puncture. Repairs didn’t take long, but in a flash Fini and teammate Schurter found themselves behind a stream of riders, forcing them to fight their way through the field like heartbroken Kung-Fu masters avenging loved ones in a straight-to-video action flick.
From then, it looked like another three-team tussle for the stage until Efficient Infiniti SCB SRAM (Vera Looser and Alexis Skarda) appeared in the manner of an overexuberant child jumping out from behind the curtains and yelling ‘surprise’ at an unsuspecting granny, and added to the frontline festivities.
The lead chopped and changed between the three teams throughout the stage until the critical Aap d’Huez switchback climb. Schurter moved to the front, taking Fini with him; the pair then entered the narrow, twisting, turning Cliffhanger singletrack descent together and descended joyously, like two unattended minors with a day pass for the local waterslide park.
X (Twitter)
A reminder that today is the Queen stage of the Absa Cape Epic, which generally signifies that the riders will be under pressure, though some will want to break free. At the front, the chasers will wait for the hammer to fall but ultimately the trails are a kind of magic…
On the Queen stage of the Absa Cape Epic the route will always rock you, but riders are here doing a bicycle race and will be saying ‘Don’t stop me now’. After all, the show must go on…
Rather fitting, really, that on this 2024 Queen stage, the mercury continues to rise out on the course…
Just a reminder that this is the Absa Cape Epic and in the words of Gerald de Kock… anything can happen. (Not that anything has happened just yet, we’re just reminding you that anything can happen. In case it does happen. Just so you know when it happens).
10km to go for Hans Becking and Wout Alleman (BUFF – MEGAMO) on Stage 2 of the Absa Cape Epic, they are racing home like a tardy traveller running towards Gate 3A in Terminal 5 three minutes after the flight has left…
All the men back together now in one big bunch, jostling for position like junior school kids on an outing to the aquarium. In the Aramex Women’s Category, the full elite field is racing together.
A motoring melee of male mountain bikers makes its way into the mountains.
Follow the Cape Epic on X (Twitter) here to see more of Moseley’s musings.
And read the daily stage reports published on the TREAD Media website.
